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Woopsie

During Lockdown 3.0, I’ve become addicted to saucy historical romance novels. It all started because of watching Bridgerton on Netflix, then read all of the Julia Quinn novels and now I’ve been working my way through varies different authors on Kindle Unlimited.


I know they aren’t exactly high brow literature, but there’s nothing else to do while the world is shut down.


Most of the books follow a fairly standard formula. Man and woman meet, either fall in love or lust, get married, saucy bits happen about two thirds of the way in, a bit of drama (kidnapping/accident etc) and then happily ever after. It’s predictable and doesn’t take a lot of brain power.


Perfect for just a bit of distraction.


Well yesterday I started reading a new book. Slightly different start as the main characters are already married, but the husband has been absent for a few years and only returns when the wife asks for a divorce, and he decides to ‘woo’ her back.


With the first two chapters, there’s already been a fairly descriptive sex scene.


And then….


However, before I tell you what happens in the scene, I need to inform you that while I’m reading this scene, I’m actually on a Zoom meeting. I didn’t need to be involved actively in the meeting so I was like, fuck it, I’ll read my book. But there are 14-15 people on the video call, while I am reading what is fast turning into written pornography.


So the particular scene that made me go ‘oop’, takes place during dinner.


This being set in the Victorian era, it’s a formal dinner and the lady of the house is wearing layers of skirts and corset. Midway through said dinner, the lady of the house sits on the dinner table, pulls up the layers of silk petticoats and skirts, and offers her ‘cunny’ to the lord of the house for him to feast upon.


But she doesn’t just let him go straight for it. She has him on his hands and knees, begging to be allowed to bury his face between her thighs.


The lady obviously lets him, because who wouldn’t. As he’s working his tongue over her (which is being described in the most descriptive language), she tells him she’ll be the only one finding release that night and he should return to his chamber after they’ve finished their actual dinner, and take himself in hand thinking of her sweet ‘cunny’.


And if that isn’t life goals… I don’t know what is!


Scarlett xx




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